[Gods. Why did he agree to join the Crownsguard? Yes, fine, he's been groomed for it since he was old enough to remember. There was no life before Noctis, not in his vast memory. But for a split second, he'd throw it all away to be meeting him for the first time, without any baggage...or royal duties standing between them.]
Is that your hint that you want me to make another batch of the Duscaen orange cake? You needn't buy me expensive gifts to get that. Again, you need only ask.
[Being sincere with him when they are by themselves is one way to go.
Noctis makes a face as he leans his head against Ignis' shoulder.]
No. I mean if you want to but, that's not it. I just... you know... [he waves with his hand,] you work yourself to the bone for me and I just... sit here, do school work and read reports. I. Wanted to do something for you for a change.
[He closes his eyes,] Even though I'm not sure what you like anymore...
[And isn't that the most heartbreaking thing? Ignis had put up this wall of professionalism between them, and had kept it strong and impregnable. But suddenly, there were cracks in the wall, and they really shouldn't be there.]
...I do like coffee. And I enjoy reading murder mysteries, still. I enjoy going to the cinema. I even like watching you fish, or stargaze, or playing King's Knight with you and Prompto. I mean it, Noct. You don't have to buy me a thing, or do anything for me. It's my...honor. To serve you, and to be your friend.
[There it is again, the serve thing and it makes drunk Noct almost want to scream. Some years ago, it just floated around them and they didn't have to worry about it. And Noct could freely just chat his mouth off with Ignis without being reprimanded for manners.]
Shut up, Iggy. I said I wanted to do it.
[There is a bit longer pause.]
Are we really still friends? Sometimes it feels like there's entire Insomnia's wall between us.
[Ignis pulls off his glasses again, rubbing the flat of his palm down his face in consternation. Six above and below, he'd really made a mess of things, if Noct was doubting they were still friends. How to fix this?]
...You're not the only one with expectations on your shoulders, and eyes on your every move. I know you really do believe that you have final say in your Crownsguard, but...the reality is, that if my superiors - including your father, I might add - thought that I was abusing my position of trust, I'd be dismissed so fast both our heads would spin. I am your friend. I will always be your friend. But...reality always intrudes. And the reality is, you're going to be King, and I'm going to be your Chancellor. There are certain...professional standards to maintain. I'm sorry.
[Ignis didn't mess anything up. If there was anyone to blame, it's not a single person, but the circumstances they are in. People that are not in their positions would never have to question things like these.
Noctis wouldn't either because he understands everything Ignis says on a logical level. But...]
I know all of that. That doesn't mean I have to be alright with it. Also, you are the last person that would try to use me for anything. Fuck, you ditched your own hobbies for me. And I'm not okay with that.
I guess... I'll change some things when I'm King.
[And he just settles more comfortably against Ignis. Yup, he could doze off like this.]
[He just totally sublimated his real desires into making sure Noctis Lucis Caelum had every single one of his heart's desires. Uh. That was absolutely a healthy thing to do, right?
He hesitates for a moment, and then tentatively puts his arm around Noct's shoulders. Not a hug, per se. Just....there.]
Noct...I mean it. Whatever I do for you, it's its own reward. You don't have to change a thing. I do it because I want to. Because it makes both of us happy.
Iggy, I know your schedule. You're free only few hours before you sleep.
[And no, it is not a healthy thing to do. Noct knows that because Ignis reprimands him almost daily about what he should do and not. It's like a boomerang, Specs. It's coming back at you.
He looks up from where he's leaned against Ignis' shoulder-]
Are you sure? Are you 110% sure you're happy? Because that's what would make me happy.
[To coin a phrase; he's nicked, and he knows it. God, this was giant mistake. He never should have agreed to a free evening where alcohol was involved. Like he could ever resist.]
[Noctis settles back down against him and somehow remembers they were watching the movie. But the credits are rolling.]
If that's true, then I'll arrange your schedule from now on. All work slots will be filled in with 'spend time with prince'. Hmm.. actually, better rephrase it to 'tutoring prince'. You'll teach me how to cook.
Ah, reasonable hours only.
[Ignis, you need to drink if you want to handle this.]
[Shit. Yeah. He definitely needs a drink. He pours a generous three fingers into his mostly empty tumbler and knocks back a good swig of it in one gulp. Another big mistake.]
No. I refuse to allow you to handle our calendar. You've got the organizational skills of a concussed tamarin monkey, no offense. But...let's start out with our trip to go stargazing, and go from there.
[Astrals, what are they doing? Sitting here, gazing soulfully at each other over Bloody Marys. This is so wrong on so many levels. And yet he can't tear his gaze away.]
Noct...please.
[And that's him begging for mercy. He cannot - literally cannot - make a move. Either way this goes, it has to be Noctis' call.]
[It's not good to leave the decisions to tipsy Noct, because he's way more daring than usual. He uses Ignis' leg to prop himself up just slightly to place a small kiss on the edge of Ignis' lips.
When he settles back down, he runs a hand through his hair, looking away.]
[And that's the choked tone of a man trying to magically will away a boner, his feelings, and drop this entire experience into the rubbish bin. Because that little kiss has shattered his carefully cultivated professionalism and he wants nothing more than to pounce.]
[Noctis shakes his head, trying to steady his vision before getting up. He steps away from the couch slowly because room is still spinning, but stops halfway to his room and turns to Ignis.]
I, uh... enjoy the books.
[The trek to his room never felt this long and his legs never felt so heavy before.]
[It takes every single ounce of his self-control to not follow Noctis into his bedroom. Sure, the convenient excuse would be that he was just tucking him in, but then it wouldn't end there. So he's literally gripping the sofa arm so tightly that his knuckles are going red and then white.]
[When Noctis reaches his bedroom and turns to close the door, he pauses. And leaves just a tiny bit of the door open. The feeling that he will completely shut Ignis out of his life if he closes the door with a loud 'click' just won't leave him.
So he leaves them, and drops on the bed, face first, between two pillows.]
[It takes him several minutes to regain his composure. And then he spends about half an hour tidying up the living room, putting the bottle of vodka back in the freezer, and so on. Then. THEN. He finally checks in on Noctis.
...It's not creepy that he's watching him sleep. Nope. Totally not at all.
He's still too tipsy to risk driving, so he pulls a spare blanket out of the linen closet (because of course he knows exactly where everything is in Noct's apartment) and camps out on the sofa. It takes him a very, very long time to fall asleep.]
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Is that your hint that you want me to make another batch of the Duscaen orange cake? You needn't buy me expensive gifts to get that. Again, you need only ask.
no subject
Noctis makes a face as he leans his head against Ignis' shoulder.]
No. I mean if you want to but, that's not it. I just... you know... [he waves with his hand,] you work yourself to the bone for me and I just... sit here, do school work and read reports. I. Wanted to do something for you for a change.
[He closes his eyes,] Even though I'm not sure what you like anymore...
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...I do like coffee. And I enjoy reading murder mysteries, still. I enjoy going to the cinema. I even like watching you fish, or stargaze, or playing King's Knight with you and Prompto. I mean it, Noct. You don't have to buy me a thing, or do anything for me. It's my...honor. To serve you, and to be your friend.
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Shut up, Iggy. I said I wanted to do it.
[There is a bit longer pause.]
Are we really still friends? Sometimes it feels like there's entire Insomnia's wall between us.
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[Ignis pulls off his glasses again, rubbing the flat of his palm down his face in consternation. Six above and below, he'd really made a mess of things, if Noct was doubting they were still friends. How to fix this?]
...You're not the only one with expectations on your shoulders, and eyes on your every move. I know you really do believe that you have final say in your Crownsguard, but...the reality is, that if my superiors - including your father, I might add - thought that I was abusing my position of trust, I'd be dismissed so fast both our heads would spin. I am your friend. I will always be your friend. But...reality always intrudes. And the reality is, you're going to be King, and I'm going to be your Chancellor. There are certain...professional standards to maintain. I'm sorry.
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Noctis wouldn't either because he understands everything Ignis says on a logical level. But...]
I know all of that. That doesn't mean I have to be alright with it. Also, you are the last person that would try to use me for anything. Fuck, you ditched your own hobbies for me. And I'm not okay with that.
I guess... I'll change some things when I'm King.
[And he just settles more comfortably against Ignis. Yup, he could doze off like this.]
no subject
[He just totally sublimated his real desires into making sure Noctis Lucis Caelum had every single one of his heart's desires. Uh. That was absolutely a healthy thing to do, right?
He hesitates for a moment, and then tentatively puts his arm around Noct's shoulders. Not a hug, per se. Just....there.]
Noct...I mean it. Whatever I do for you, it's its own reward. You don't have to change a thing. I do it because I want to. Because it makes both of us happy.
no subject
[And no, it is not a healthy thing to do. Noct knows that because Ignis reprimands him almost daily about what he should do and not. It's like a boomerang, Specs. It's coming back at you.
He looks up from where he's leaned against Ignis' shoulder-]
Are you sure? Are you 110% sure you're happy? Because that's what would make me happy.
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I am. Just...being here for you. I am happy.
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If that's true, then I'll arrange your schedule from now on. All work slots will be filled in with 'spend time with prince'. Hmm.. actually, better rephrase it to 'tutoring prince'. You'll teach me how to cook.
Ah, reasonable hours only.
[Ignis, you need to drink if you want to handle this.]
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No. I refuse to allow you to handle our calendar. You've got the organizational skills of a concussed tamarin monkey, no offense. But...let's start out with our trip to go stargazing, and go from there.
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[Although, to tell the truth, monkey actually suits him.]
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[If ever there was a more fond and loving tone in the history of Eos, send him a recording otherwise he refuses to believe it.]
You're my monkey.
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[Noctis peers up at him with a glint in his eye.]
...I don't mind the sound of that.
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[Lord. He has issues. He really should be diverting Noct into his royal duties, including his progeny. And yet.]
Noct...we have to be cautious.
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As for the second part, Noct just keeps looking up at him.]
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Noct...please.
[And that's him begging for mercy. He cannot - literally cannot - make a move. Either way this goes, it has to be Noctis' call.]
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When he settles back down, he runs a hand through his hair, looking away.]
I should. Probably sleep huh?
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[And that's the choked tone of a man trying to magically will away a boner, his feelings, and drop this entire experience into the rubbish bin. Because that little kiss has shattered his carefully cultivated professionalism and he wants nothing more than to pounce.]
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I, uh... enjoy the books.
[The trek to his room never felt this long and his legs never felt so heavy before.]
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[It takes every single ounce of his self-control to not follow Noctis into his bedroom. Sure, the convenient excuse would be that he was just tucking him in, but then it wouldn't end there. So he's literally gripping the sofa arm so tightly that his knuckles are going red and then white.]
no subject
So he leaves them, and drops on the bed, face first, between two pillows.]
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...It's not creepy that he's watching him sleep. Nope. Totally not at all.
He's still too tipsy to risk driving, so he pulls a spare blanket out of the linen closet (because of course he knows exactly where everything is in Noct's apartment) and camps out on the sofa. It takes him a very, very long time to fall asleep.]